But there are also lots of other important reasons we need to ground ourselves and why is it so important to remind ourselves that the #time is #now. I started suffering from panic attacks about a year ago, they were triggered by the on going financial, coercive domestic #abuse that my ex was reining down on my self and the children. When I decided to split with him after nearly a decade of emotional abuse I naively thought that we would just split and that the children would be the first priority in all our minds and that everything would just be fine and Id be free.
When I decided to split with him after nearly a decade of emotional abuse I naively thought that we would just split and that the children would be the first priority in all our minds and that everything would just be fine and Id be free.
I was totally wrong and the abuse escalated to an amount so severe that I began waking up in the night unable to breath with panic attacks from the stress and terror been purposefully inflicted on me by my ex partner along with the financial abuse I was getting constant death threats not been taken seriously my I add.
He first abandoned a joint tenancy ( something I hadn’t even thought he would do) I wouldn’t even do that to a flat mate as its morally wrong in more ways than one, never mind to someone who is the parent and carer of my children so I was very shocked that he would use do this at the expense of the children.
At first I realized I would be able to just pay the rent by the skin of my teeth even if that meant that I couldn’t eat ( but who cares right? as long as the children have a roof over their head and food in their bellies) but…
He then stole all my business stock , stole my bank cards , locked my work laptop and then he decided to call the land lord well the estate agent working on their behalf. He went into great detail about how he was leaving the house and that I was going to be alone and that I would not be able to afford the rent anymore. He also told her that he just wanted them to know so that they could contact me and that’s exactly what she did.
I realized I would be able to just pay the rent even if that meant that I couldn’t eat ( but who cares right? as long as the children have a roof over their head and food in their bellies) but…
The woman from the estate agent then called my phone. She said what is going on? have you got something you want to tell me? I felt like a naughty child and this is when my #anxiety first started. I didn’t know what it was at this time I can only describe it as an absolute shear panic with my heart racing so fast and my body would be trembling and I could not breath properly ( no one was physically touching me but the physical symptoms were very real) and trying to suppress this from this bully estate agent lady was close to torture.
I tried to explain to her that the rent was not in arrears and that it would be paid on time as usual so I don’t know why he has told you that. I didn’t know what else to say, to this she replied you do realize I can get you out on the street with you and your children within a week and that she didn’t even need the rent to be paid.
to this she replied you do realize I can get you out on the street with you and your children within a week and that she didnt even need the rent to be paid.
At this point I knew very little of my rights as a tenant and what she was saying to me was in fact illegal because I had a signed tenancy that had another 6 months so this actually amounted to harassment. This woman from a local Manchester estate agent and continued to email me with threats and phone calls too. All the while I was literally alone with my 2 children and I didn’t know what to do and I still don’t know why she felt that she could do this to me eventually I called citizens advice and a council man got involved and contacted her on my behalf reminding here of my rights . Please see my section on your rights as a tenant when your relationship breaks down coming soon.
If anyone is thinking of leaving an abusive person please please put a safety plan into action first, contact your local domestic abuse service and let them help you. I didn’t know any of this at the time and my mental health took a battering before I eventually received any help.
If anyone is thinking of leaving an abusive person please please put a safety plan into action first, contact your local domestic abuse service and let them help you
This continued on and on until eventually out of sheer luck my old house came back up for rent the one Id lived in with my son and step daughter for years before my ex came out of prison and turned our lives upside down again. I rang her up and she was more than happy to have me back but the rent had gone up that I knew it probably would have, because it had been a few years and because I’m self employed I couldn’t prove my income so would have to pay 6 months up front this shocked me but there was nothing I could do. I am very grateful to my parents that they paid the deposit and the six months up front or I would of ended up in a hostel with the children without a doubt. I know how lucky I am and the kids do too we will be eternally grateful to my mum and dad and everyone who has supported us. Its 3 years on since this happened and we do have a roof over our head and I’m slowly rebuilding my business. I’m still suffering from separation abuse though which has caused my anxiety to fluctuate up and down. There is a pattern of when it comes and its is always about a week before I have to come into contact with my abuser. I have found many ways to deal with it but one is most definitely #grounding and making sure I stay organised as not to add to the stress.
I am very grateful to my parents that they paid the deposit and the six months up front or I would of ended up in a hostel with the children without a doubt
I have found these amazing #watches they are just lovely and all I have to do is have a glance at it when I’m feeling panicked and it reminds me that the time is now!
Please leave your stories and comments about domestic abuse and any tips on how you deal with your anxiety. The watches are available in white black and brown and are less than £10 delivered at www.growthfulsouls.co.uk
The theme of the Now watch is taken from Jimmy Buffet’s famous song as follows:
I bought a cheap watch from a crazy man
Floating down canal
It doesn’t use numbers or moving hands
It always just says now
Now you may be thinking that I was had
But this watch is never wrong
And If I have trouble the warranty said
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On