I won’t go into my whole story here because I’m writing my book EXPOSING THE SECRETS BEHIND THE WHITE PICKET FENCE but briefly I was an independent 23 year old. I split with my long term childhood boyfriend as we had grown apart and I bought him out of our mortgage. I was young free and single and had the whole world at my feet, with a great job and circle of friends.
I was free happy and optimistic about my new future that lay ahead. When I met my ex , I’ll call him Lucias as thats his name in my book . He was charming, a lot older than me and I thought he was great. It wasn’t till months later that his mask slipped and I was pregnant with my first child. Sure there were red flags in hindsight but not anything I’d been taught to look out for. I found out quickly that I couldn’t trust him but he always somehow manipulated me into thinking I was wrong that my gut was all wrong and that he knew best he would often say he knew me better than I knew myself. But he was a liar a complete liar,
I tried to leave many times but I always ended up getting back with him thinking that I was the prob. He never hit me so I did not recognise the relationship as abusive but it was text book he was a text book #emotional coercive financial abuser and if I knew the signs I would have seen through it from day one. 10 years on I eventually had enough of his prison his criminal activities his constant #lies and name calling gaslighting #stonewalling #silent #treatment baiting and blaming and I decided to leave him. By this point I had a rubbish credit file as I’d mostly spent the last decade caring for his 3 children one of them his from a previous relationship while he was in prison leaving me dipping into my savings from selling my home after my first child was born trying to hold it all together when he decided to go awol in one of his tantrums. We had a joint tenancy which he threatened to abandon if I did not stay with him. I didn’t stay this time and he did what he’d threatened and my self and the children nearly went through an eviction not only that, he sabotaged my business to make sure of it so I had no means of paying the rent at all. He told me he would destroy me and my children and that it would all be my fault that they were hurt for not doing as I was told and all I had to do was behave to stop him. I pushed through and my parents helped me just before we ended up in a hostel. I was so desparate I actually thought about getting back with him just for peace ##ijustwantpeace which was used against me by cafcass later on and then he went awol. 2 years later as i was rebuilding our lives and at last thought we were free he started #family #court proceedings.
Let me add he hadn’t even asked to see the children once since I split with him or how they were or anything the last messages i had were that “He needs a life before any kid” ” that he’s not being a babysitter for me the slag to go out and have fun” “that no one is having a life without him” “just watch what happens to you if you don’t behave” “I’ll ruien u” and many more things , he also said he would kill me and id never sleep safe in my bed again in front of a police officer might I add whom did nothing . So desperate not to be dragged to family court needlessly I asked him if he wanted to talk, my mum asked him and he said no and that he was going to court because he can and he will and it will be fun for him. And that’s what he did ,
he had already won custody of his child that wasn’t mine in the 90’s who was now an adult by lying #perjury etc so I expected him to #lie but I never expected that the family court officials would basically drag myself and the kids into hell and entertain him I thought they would listen to me as a protective parent but no I was a mute and not allowed to talk . My ex had a barrister and I had no one I have sat in court for going on 2 years now and for the first 8 months before I proved #DOMESTIC #abuse and got #legal aid each time I was there I was defending a lie which I proved each one to no avail . On top of that I was going home and looking after the children myself and supporting us all emotionally financially and physically. Not once was my mental health or that of my children taken into account and the effect this #separation coercive abuse was having on us and that it was carry a on ABUSE tactic and not about his children. The whole 2 years has been about him. The Cafcass have given him chance after chance at our expence like what hes done is notjing .he’s lied ,he’s fraudulently paying as he has no job there is a statement that says he is doing this because he wants revenge but still they entertain him. He’s just starting to show his true colours now but at what price ? The price of going on 3 years of separation abuse at the hands of my ex #enabled by the family court system childhood and lives on hold in limbo .
I know I’m not the only one there are hundreds if not thousands of us out there going through similar and once you are in that secret hole of the family court I still don’t know if there is an end to it all for us. We live hanging from a cliff just waiting to see what my ex decides to do next. He’s still very much controlling our lives. Thanks to the so called FAMILY COURTS